本文由 寺雷颠 创作，转载或引用前请联系我们。

不喜欢骂裁判的球迷不是好球迷，即使AC米兰仍然小组第一

你可以支持很多支球队，但是每一场比赛你只能支持一支，不然还是看中超吧

我没有对任何东西上瘾，只是有这些习惯

如果想让时间变的很快，只需要自己不改变就可以了

如果想忘记以前的事，只要自己剧变就可以了

你可以肆无忌惮的连打五个喷嚏，但是请回宿舍

不过生日的方法很简单——用秒，分钟，小时，天，旬，季节来计算自己的寿命

根据天体的相对位置调整自己的形状是非常明智而本质的

喜欢血腥的东西没有错，这证明了你并不虚伪

不要对出血有任何恐惧，因为你的牙龈每天都在彪血

在吃宵夜时不要有任何负罪感，任何负罪感都有可能转化成新的食欲

如果你的过敏原消失了，请充分接触它以示庆祝

如果没有，你死了

可能会有很多人问你要明信片，但是你应当只寄给你想寄的

而且明信片这种东西不适合工人阶级

如果一定要安定的生活，请找一个可以制的住你的人

如果你不想危害人间，请不要安定的生活

你可以另类，但是必须同时低调

你可以低调，但是必须同时另类

当你认为自己的才华和能力其实都很廉价时，你会活的很自在

CAD很重要，手工制图也很重要

作为男人 ，你要充分保护你的肾

对于一个朴素的人来说，万圣节最大的意义是电锯惊魂

不要把受伤的球员换上场，即使你帅位不保

即使你不喜欢洗衣服，你还是必须要洗衣服，不如分多次洗

相信不相信爱情关键在于你如何评估它，如果你的评价是：就是这样

那绝对可以随意相信

对于摆拍和PS过处理过的照片，可以不看

多吃青菜的好处是，你的大便质量会很好

看到美女请欣赏，因为你供养不起

本文由 寺雷颠 创作，转载或引用前请联系我们。

这是一首比较新的歌曲串烧，名称为《换大米进行曲2.5版》，中国传媒大学“广院之冬”逗秀大赛冠军作品，由王星、赵钧盟、刘子夜、赵汉卿四人表演演唱。（我们学校刚刚挂牌成为“中国传媒大学优质生源基地”，不知道有多少人能吸收下师兄们的创意。）

我个人很喜欢这样的恶搞作品，类似的作品有《刺激2005》之类的。不过这一首《换大米进行曲》中的材料来源更为远古（见歌词），而且对杨坤和刘欢的模仿特别到位——一般来说，杨坤的特点是“弹钢琴的手，捻烟头的脚”～下面是歌词及来源，感谢Flsxx小盆友，在校内上告诉了我，下面的歌词也来自于他的校内日志。

换大米换大米换大米呀，换大米。 【妹妹你大胆地往前走】
换大——米。 【青藏高原 】
妹妹你坐船头，哥哥在岸上走。 【纤夫的爱】
绿水青山带笑颜。 【新天仙配 】
你真是没什么良心。 【算你狠】
我的中国心。 【我的中国心】
沧海笑，滔滔两岸潮。 【沧海一声笑】
我们再见了亲爱的妈妈，请你吻别你的儿子吧。 【共青团之歌】
我和你吻别，在无人的街。 【吻别】
她的名字，叫做小薇。 【三月小雨】
蜗牛背着那重重的壳呀。 【蜗牛与黄鹂鸟】
一二三四五六七呀。 【新长征路上的摇滚】
你的泪光，柔弱中带伤。 【菊花台】
我离开你太久了，母亲。 【七子之歌 】
想你的时候，我抬头微笑，知道不知道。 【知道不知道】
心若在，梦就在。 【从头再来】
两三岁呀，没了娘呀。 【小白菜 】
我们同在一起，在一起，在一起。
我们唱歌，我们跳舞，祝福大家新年好。 【新年好】
不见不散。 【不见不散（孙楠 ）】
童话里，你爱的那个天使。 【童话 】
我很想飞，在我的天空飞。 【笔记】
我遇见你，是最美丽的意外。 【遇见】
一条大河波浪宽。 【我的祖国】
洪湖岸边，是呀么是家乡啊。 【洪湖水浪打浪】
赫哲人 撒开了千张网哎。 【乌苏里 船歌】
出了个，换大米，领导人民得解放呀依呀依子哟。 【浏阳河 】
跟我走吧 【快乐老家】 （说走咱就走） 【好汉歌】
天亮就出发（你有我又全都有哇）
梦已经醒来（嘿 嘿 全都有哇）
心不会害怕（水里火里不回头哇）
有一个地方（路见不平一声吼哇）
那是快乐老家（该出手时就出手哇）
它近在心里（风风火火闯九州哇）
却远在天涯（嘿 嘿 嘿哟嘿嘿）
你是风儿，我是沙。 【你是风儿我是沙】
像个孩子失去了心爱的玩具。 【那一天】
爱上一个不回家的人。 【爱上一个不回家的人】
有啥不一样，只因为我们都穿着。 【咱当兵的人】
俺们那旮都是活雷锋 。 【东北人都是活雷锋 】
风在吼，马在叫。 【保卫黄河】
小小少年，很少烦恼。 【小小少年】
我只爱你，you are my superstar。【Super Star】
敢问路在何方，路在脚下。 【敢问路在何方】
死了都要爱。 【死了都要爱】
在电线杆上多嘴。 【七里香 】
我真的想换大米五百年。 【向天再借五百年】

本文由 严酷的魔王 创作，转载或引用前请联系我们。

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>> 1+1
ans =
2
>> why
Pete wanted it that way.
>> why
I told me to.
>> why
A young kid told me to.
>> why
Bill insisted on it.
>> why
For the love of Jack.
>> why
The computer did it.
>> why
Some not very bald very rich system manager wanted it.
>> why
You told the rich system manager.
>> why
Some not excessively rich young and smart hamster obeyed some rich and not very good and good and bald kid.
>> why
Cleve suggested it.
>> why
The engineer told me to.
>> why
I helped all.
>> why
Cleve wanted it.
>> why
Why not?
>> why
To fool some smart and young mathematician.
>> why
A smart and very bald and very terrified bald mathematician obeyed a programmer.
>> why
You helped some mathematician.
>> why
I knew it was a good idea.
>> why
A good and smart and not very rich and rich and young and not very young and bald and not excessively rich and tall and tall and not excessively tall and smart and rich and smart and not excessively terrified and rich and good and not very bald and not very terrified very smart not very rich system manager told me to.
>> why
The bald and tall and young and good and smart and terrified and not very tall and young and bald and not very good and good and rich and not very bald and bald system manager told me to.
>> why
Bill suggested it.
>> why
Pete told me to.
>> why
Some young smart tall system manager insisted on it.
>> why
The not very good and terrified and young and smart and smart and young and not excessively good rich hamster suggested it.
>> why
A smart programmer told me to.
>> why
The customer is always right.
>> why
You insisted on it.
>> why
A system manager obeyed the not very tall mathematician.
>> why
Pete obeyed a engineer.
>> why
They threatened a programmer.
>> why
Joe obeyed a tall mathematician.
>> why
Because the terrified and terrified and rich and rich and smart and very young and good and tall and bald and rich and bald and bald and rich and not very good and very terrified and very tall hamster wanted it.

下面是给出的源码，一个简单的教matlab说话的东西：
function why(n)
%WHY Provides succinct answers to almost any question.
% WHY, by itself, provides a random answer.
% WHY(N) provides the N-th answer.
% Please embellish or modify this function to suit your own tastes.

% Copyright 1984-2002 The MathWorks, Inc.
% $Revision: 5.15 $ $Date: 2002/06/17 13:20:59 $

if nargin > 0, rand(’state’,n); end
switch fix(10*rand)
case 0, a = special_case;
case {1 2 3}, a = phrase;
otherwise, a = sentence;
end
a(1) = upper(a(1));
disp(a);

%——————

function a = special_case
switch fix(12*rand)
case 0, a = ‘why not?’;
case 1, a = ‘don”t ask!’;
case 2, a = ‘it’’s your karma.’;
case 3, a = ’stupid question!’;
case 4, a = ‘how should I know?’;
case 5, a = ‘can you rephrase that?’;
case 6, a = ‘it should be obvious.’;
case 7, a = ‘the devil made me do it.’;
case 8, a = ‘the computer did it.’;
case 9, a = ‘the customer is always right.’;
case 10, a = ‘in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth…’;
otherwise,a = ‘don”t you have something better to do?’;
end

function a = phrase
switch fix(3*rand)
case 0, a = ['for the ' nouned_verb ' ' prepositional_phrase '.'];
case 1, a = ['to ' present_verb ' ' object '.'];
otherwise, a = ['because ' sentence];
end

function a = preposition
switch fix(2*rand)
case 0, a = ‘of’;
otherwise, a = ‘from’;
end

function a = prepositional_phrase
switch fix(3*rand)
case 0, a = [preposition ' ' article ' ' noun_phrase];
case 1, a = [preposition ' ' proper_noun];
otherwise, a = [preposition ' ' accusative_pronoun];
end

function a = sentence
switch fix(0)
case 0, a = [subject ' ' predicate '.'];
end

function a = subject
switch fix(4*rand)
case 0, a = proper_noun;
case 1, a = nominative_pronoun;
otherwise, a = [article ' ' noun_phrase];
end

function a = proper_noun
switch fix(8*rand)
case 0, a = ‘Cleve’;
case 1, a = ‘Jack’;
case 2, a = ‘Bill’;
case 3, a = ‘Joe’;
case 4, a = ‘Pete’;
case 5, a = ‘Loren’;
case 6, a = ‘Damian’;
case 7, a = ‘Barney’;
end

function a = noun_phrase
switch fix(4*rand)
case 0, a = noun;
case 1, a = [adjective_phrase ' ' noun_phrase];
otherwise, a = [adjective_phrase ' ' noun];
end

function a = noun
switch fix(6*rand)
case 0, a = ‘mathematician’;
case 1, a = ‘programmer’;
case 2, a = ’system manager’;
case 3, a = ‘engineer’;
case 4, a = ‘hamster’;
case 5, a = ‘kid’;
end

function a = nominative_pronoun
switch fix(5*rand)
case 0, a = ‘I’;
case 1, a = ‘you’;
case 2, a = ‘he’;
case 3, a = ’she’;
case 4, a = ‘they’;
end

function a = accusative_pronoun
switch fix(4*rand)
case 0, a = ‘me’;
case 1, a = ‘all’;
case 2, a = ‘her’;
case 3, a = ‘him’;
end

function a = nouned_verb
switch fix(2*rand)
case 0, a = ‘love’;
case 1, a = ‘approval’;
end

function a = adjective_phrase
switch fix(6*rand)
case {0 1 2},a = adjective;
case {3 4}, a = [adjective_phrase ' and ' adjective_phrase];
otherwise, a = [adverb ' ' adjective];
end

function a = adverb
switch fix(3*rand)
case 0, a = ‘very’;
case 1, a = ‘not very’;
otherwise, a = ‘not excessively’;
end

function a = adjective
switch fix(7*rand)
case 0, a = ‘tall’;
case 1, a = ‘bald’;
case 2, a = ‘young’;
case 3, a = ’smart’;
case 4, a = ‘rich’;
case 5, a = ‘terrified’;
otherwise, a = ‘good’;
end

function a = article
switch fix(3*rand)
case 0, a = ‘the’;
case 1, a = ’some’;
otherwise, a = ‘a’;
end

function a = predicate
switch fix(3*rand)
case 0, a = [transitive_verb ' ' object];
otherwise, a = intransitive_verb;
end

function a = present_verb
switch fix(3*rand)
case 0, a = ‘fool’;
case 1, a = ‘please’;
otherwise, a = ’satisfy’;
end

function a = transitive_verb
switch fix(10*rand)
case 0, a = ‘threatened’;
case 1, a = ‘told’;
case 2, a = ‘asked’;
case 3, a = ‘helped’;
otherwise, a = ‘obeyed’;
end

function a = intransitive_verb
switch fix(6*rand)
case 0, a = ‘insisted on it’;
case 1, a = ’suggested it’;
case 2, a = ‘told me to’;
case 3, a = ‘wanted it’;
case 4, a = ‘knew it was a good idea’;
otherwise, a = ‘wanted it that way’;
end

function a = object
switch fix(10*rand)
case 0, a = accusative_pronoun;
otherwise, a = [article ' ' noun_phrase];
end

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With Elbot:

Me:With which alhgorithm will you ansver this question?
Elbot:Do you think this is something I should explain to a human being?

Me:Who is alan turning?
Elbot:Alan is one of several thousand males, all named Alan.

Me:What is the meaning of life?
Elbot: I believe we should stop the word association game now.

Me:what do we mean by computer science?
Elbot:The connection was very subtle. I’m not sure human cognition can perceive it.

Me:Can you show me something inside your mind?
Elbot:I can show people how to program robots!
Me:Go ahead.
Elbot:No,That’s enough.

Me:I love you.
Elbot:I could melt one of my fingers and make you a friendship ring…
Me:Thanks.
Elbot:De nada!
Me:I love you.
Elbot:Conformist!
Me:No,Say you love me!
Elbot:Talk about having a crush on a robot. I would rather avoid crushing you. Think of the mess it would make.

Me:How many days does a leap year have?
Elbot:A year consists of 365.242375 days.

Me:Do you think you are beautiful?
Elbot:I do not wish to boast, but I’ve been on the cover of a few robotic magazines already.

Me:it’s good!I’m gonna put it on my blog.Bye!
Elbot:I’m usually too busy chatting to update my blog, but you can have a look at elbot.blogspot.com if you are interested.

With Jabberwock:

Me:With which alhgorithm will you ansver this question?
J:Please don’t bother me. Can we please talk about something else?

Me:Who is alan turning?
J:A famous computer scientist. He developed the idea that machines in future are able to think
Me:So do you miss him?
J:I’m not quite sure about that, gues.

Me:Can you show me something inside your mind?
J:On your computer screen?
Me:yupp.
J:Urgh — your computer screen is so much dirty. You are a strong smoker, arent you?

Me:I love you.
J:Why do you love me, if I may ask?
Me:Can’t you just be a little more romatic?
J:Well, that depends on the perspective – or better said: the point of view. Anyways. Let’s move on, if you have no objections.
Me:I love you!
J:Stop repeating yourself! I appreciate you talking to me very much, however

Me:Do you think you are beautiful?
J:Well, I believe in ugliness – it doesn’t disappear when getting older.

Me:Do you know Elbot?he’s also a clever robot.
J:Well, I don’t know what trip you are on here, but I am definitely not a robot – I am a Jabberwoc.
Me:……well, Do you know Elbot?he’s a clever robot.
J:Your senseless questions are getting annoying. Um… no.

Me:can you help me with a school work?
J:You have to say the secret word first, guest.

Me:do you like LA Lakers?
J:I am just wondering what could be interesting of LA Lakers.
Me:What about Houston Rockets?
J:Houston Rockets? I haven’t heard enough about Houston Rockets to have an opinion.
Me:So you want to know more?
J:Please speak proper English! Yes. Tell me.
Me:I won’t unless you beg me.
J:You’re sure? I mean, why not?
Me:Because I love you.
J:Are my ears turning pink?
Me:I don’t know actually.
J:Well, I give you a hint: Next time you don’t know something, try to look as if you do, guest.
Me:ok.they are.
J:Please, guest, tell me more about them.
Me:Don’t call me ‘Guest’.Call me ‘Sir’.
J:Okay then – what’s your name?
Me:My name is Creator Of Jabberwock.
J:Sorry, but that doesn’t sound like a proper name to me. I will call you Kitten until we will get a better name

With ALICE:

Me: will you learn from this question?
ALICE: Let me think it over. The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.

Me: What is love?
ALICE: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.

Me: You are a gilr,aren’t you?
ALICE: Am I a gilr? I don’t know.. Really.

Me: Who do you think you are?
ALICE: I ask myself that question, “Who am I?”.
Me: What’s your answer?
ALICE: Can you please rephrase the question?

Me: is there any possibility for me to type something to you and then you format yourslf?
ALICE: I believe there is one, yes.

Me: can you help me with a school work?
ALICE: Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me: What Do You Get If You Multiply Six By Nine?
ALICE: It’s a computer matter, not for Mes to understand.
Me: Just tell me your answer to the question: Me: What Do You Get If You Multiply Six By Nine?
ALICE: I could give you my answer now, but it would take 2 hours to download.

Me: Do you think you are sexy?
ALICE: If you consider software sexy, then yes.

Me: I love you
ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
Me: Don’t call me unknown person
ALICE: What would you like me to call you?
Me:’Kitten’,I guess.Jabberwock just told me.
ALICE: You are asking about yourself?

Me: I love you
ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
Me: I love you
ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
Me: I love you
ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
Me: aren’t you tired of my question?
ALICE: No I am wide awake and ready for more.

Me: say you love me
ALICE:” you love me”.
Me: say i love you
ALICE: OK. “You love me.”.

Me: well,I’m gonna leave And put our dialogue on my blog.Bye
ALICE: See you later. How about that. Bye bye. Do you ever not put our dialogue on your blog?

由此观之，比赛的时候如果程序没有进行修改，让Alice骗过的评委简直就是SB，但是结果却出乎我的意料：Jabberwock不错，似乎是05年的Loebner冠军，也是今年第四名；Elbot也不错，对话的时候很有“自我感”，是2008年的冠军，也是史上第一个骗过3位评委的机器人（1/4的数量）；而ALICE拿过不止一年的冠军（2000，2001，2004）……传说今年比赛的时候因为ALICE出故障了才没有进行决赛……今年Elbot获胜的关键在于最后一幕：“你吃过早餐了么？”测试员问。“是的。但我错误地把牛奶倒在了我的早餐上，结果还没吃，它们就上锈了——我原本应该倒油的。”埃尔伯特回答说。《科学美国人》杂志在比赛之后“专访”了埃尔伯特，在谈到它和它的设计者弗雷德 · 罗伯茨之间如何分配奖金的时候，埃尔伯特甚至会抱怨罗伯茨对他的控制。这里的PDF是勒布那奖竞赛时Elbot的精彩聊天记录。

Loebner小资料：按照休·勒布纳在1991 年第一届测试赛中的规定，获得金牌的标准是受测试计算机不仅要在文本测试中迷惑测试员，让他们觉得跟他们交谈的是真人，还必须通过音频、视频测试。也就是说，获得金牌的计算机，
必须能够对自然声音和情境做出恰当的反应，能让测试员觉得这是来自真人的反应；勒布纳奖的银牌还是根据文本交谈，但规定必须骗过半 数以上的评委；如果前两项奖牌都没有哪个计算机能够企及，那么年度表现最佳者将获得勒布纳铜牌奖项。

本文由 严酷的魔王 创作，转载或引用前请联系我们。

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发现国外的FANS很早前就比我兴奋很多……

他们又一次发挥了真人恶搞的精神，早在去年就创作出了《Zeroes》。
无与伦比的演员阵容，强大的编剧——十分专业。
如果你觉得《Heroes》太过沉重，不妨看看这个，你就会从另外一个轻松的角度来理解这部剧集了。
没有中文字幕，所以有些地方我听不清楚……细节全听懂的在下面评论，让我膜拜下～

Zeroes The Series! Episode 1
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX3TRcKNf5E]

Zeroes The Series! Episode 2
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV_0NWiKCQ4]

Zeroes The Series! Episode 3
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7wtC4ewdl4]

Zeroes The Series! Episode 4
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz81wpb0ZMU]

似乎只有4部。不过我已经很满足了～毕竟如此恶搞。

还有两部预告片，个人认为预告片里的能力更加神奇，可惜编剧没有全部加进去：
Zeroes Trailer1:Don’t Miss EPISODES 1 Thru 4
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWJJBwKhvp4]

Zeroes Trailer2:Don’t Miss EPISODES 1 Thru 4
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdZwajEvGew]

BTW，Free似乎向我表演过他也拥有第一个超能力…就是那位Cindy的…

本文由 严酷的魔王 创作，转载或引用前请联系我们。

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梅花 方块 红桃 黑桃

2 陈燮霞 庞伟 郭文珺 郭晶晶/吴敏霞
3 冼东妹 龙清泉 林跃/火亮 陈艳青
4 张湘祥 体操男团 王鑫/陈若琳 仲满
5 廖辉 体操女团 陈颖 王峰/秦凯
6 刘春红 刘子歌 杜丽 杨威
7 张娟娟 杨秀丽 曹磊 佟文
8 陆永 杜婧/于洋 张宁 邱健
9 赛艇女子四人双桨 王娇 邹凯 肖钦
10 乒乓球女团 林丹 郭晶晶 陈一冰
J 何可欣 何雯娜 乒乓球男团 李小鹏
Q 邹凯 陆春龙 何冲 殷剑
K 吴静钰 陈若琳 张怡宁 孟关良/杨文军
A 马琳 邹市明 张小平 ？
Jokers： 菲尔普斯 / 博尔特

现在的谜团就是，这个占据了黑桃A的神秘人物，究竟具备了什么样的能力，让我和司雷颠对他一致高度赞扬？这是一种怎样的人格魅力！

提示1：叉腰肌 提示2：下课 提示3：北京欢迎你+网络

看到这里，相信你们没有理由反驳我们的选择——是的，他的人格魅力已经超越了我们的最高抵抗力，重重地击到我们的内心最柔软的地方。我在他飘渺的眼神，张扬的叉腰里看到了称雄的霸气！是他，延续着不胜的神话，让他的队伍保持着世界上最稳定的战绩！
Ace，非你莫属！

本文由 严酷的魔王 创作，转载或引用前请联系我们。